What death doulas can teach us about dying

For Rita Ball there's nothing more meaningful than holding a person's hand in their final moments.

"It is absolutely raw," Ball says, "to witness this life that is leaving the world."

She's been there at someone's last breath multiple times.

For three years, Ball has worked as a trained "death doula" in London, and as a non-medical end-of-life companion she supports individual families and volunteers in care homes for the NHS.

Ball says people often ask her what they're "allowed to do" when their loved ones are in the process of dying.

"I hear a real sense of relief when I say it's OK to hold them, kiss them, play music, talk to them."

You may have heard of doulas who help mothers during pregnancy, childbirth and early parenthood. But death doulas, sometimes known as soul midwives, have been growing in popularity in the last 10 years.

Emma Clare, chief executive of End of Life Doula UK, says 114 doulas joined her organisation in 2025 - a big increase on previous years.

Recently celebrities including Nicole Kidman and Ruby Wax have announced they are training to become end-of-life doulas, and Davina McCall says she also plans to when she retires.

Sometimes "the silence after someone dies can be huge", Ball says, but doulas can sit with the bereaved and recount those last few days.

Depending on their level of training a doula can cost between £25-£45 an hour, according to Clare. However, some may offer their services free of charge.

Fanny Behrens who lives in Devon, first approached death doula Sarah Parker, 10 months before her husband died of cancer.

"Sarah was just amazing with me while I just sobbed and sobbed in her kitchen," Behrens says.

"It was incredible to be able to talk to someone who wasn't family, who wasn't involved, and who could just be there, while I let myself fall apart with the grief of it."

The doula encouraged Behrens to broach difficult questions with her dying husband - including where he wanted to be buried and what he wanted his funeral to be like.

And she helped her navigate the "death admin" of contacting undertakers and registering the death.

"She was good at reminding me to look after myself too and not just get lost in the other person's needs."

While Parker mostly ended up being a source of support for Behrens, she also supported her husband. And she remembers Parker carefully explaining the process of how the body begins to shut down during the final days of life.

"There's something about being with someone who's very familiar with the process, who is matter-of-fact and at home with it and compassionate - that really helps," Behrens says.

"Even though it doesn't take the pain of it away, it kind of normalises it."

Like the other doulas we spoke to, Clare believes people today have "lost a lot of knowledge about ordinary death". She says most people's idea of death comes from dramatic scenes in films or a sudden death.