Survey confirms the struggle of working parents: 'No way to be two things at once'

Amber and Neil Petersen serve lunch to two of their children, 11-year-old Eden and 4-year-old Jack, while visiting Amber's parents in Iowa City, Iowa. Cliff Jette for NPR

Cliff Jette for NPR

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Amber Petersen's struggles are likely familiar to any working parent.

Some days at work, she finds herself diverted to family matters. A school nurse calls to tell her that one of her children is sick. She needs to leave work immediately.

Other days, she wishes she could be chaperoning a field trip instead of scheduling meetings and putting together files at the small law firm in Mason City, Iowa, where she works as a legal assistant.

"I feel like that tug of war is constantly on my mind of where I need to be — if I am missing out as a mom, or if I am disappointing somebody at work," she says. "There's just no way to be two things at once and give 100% at both."

A new survey from the Pew Research Center finds that struggle widespread, with two-thirds of working mothers reporting that they can't give 100% at home and just over half saying they can't give their all at work. A smaller but sizable share of fathers agree, with half reporting they can't give 100% at home, and about a third saying they can't give their all at work. The survey focused primarily on families with both a mother and a father who work full time.

Petersen works as a legal assistant at a small firm in Mason City, Iowa. She can leave work on a dime if one of her children falls sick, but she has no paid sick leave so she won't get paid. Cliff Jette for NPR

Cliff Jette for NPR

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"We see that parents are facing lots of demands from both work and family, and that the boundary between those is often blurry," says Pew senior researcher Rachel Minkin.

While the findings may not be surprising, they come as the number of parents engaged in the juggling act has grown. The share of families with moms and dads who are both working full time was 31% in 1975. A half-century later, it's 52%, according to Pew's analysis of census data.

Meanwhile, the share of families with dads working full time and moms not working has dropped from 42% in 1975 to 23% in 2025, Pew says.

Peterson says staying home is not an option for her. Even with two incomes, the family is just getting by.

"We don't have an emergency fund because we just can't afford to put anything away," she says. "It's a hard time that we're living in right now."

What could help working parents

The survey of 2,242 working parents sought to highlight the kinds of policies and structural support that might help them better navigate work and family.

On that front, Petersen has some ideas. She's grateful that her employer is understanding when it comes to family matters. She's able to leave work on a dime as needed, including to pick up a sick kid. Her husband, who works in a factory painting industrial trucks, would be penalized for such a move, imperiling future raises.

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But Petersen pays a price too. She gets paid only for the hours she works. She does have some paid vacation days but no paid sick leave.

"One thing about it being a small firm is they are unable to offer some of those benefits," she says.

Neil Petersen plays with his 4-year-old son, Jack. Neil works in a factory painting boom trucks. Cliff Jette for NPR

Cliff Jette for NPR

The Pew survey found more than half of parents with lower incomes — and single mothers in particular — say they're highly worried about losing pay if they unexpectedly have to leave work to take care of family issues. Black and Hispanic parents worry more about this than white and Asian parents.

Petersen says paid sick leave would help enormously. So, too, would more affordable options for childcare.

A couple years ago, Petersen decided her two daughters, now 11 and 12, could stay home alone — as long as they were together.

"We kind of had to make that decision a little sooner than I would have liked to," she says.

A summer program she was eyeing for them cost a couple thousand dollars, more than the family could afford. It's a familiar problem. The Pew survey found nearly half of working parents needing care for school-aged kids had difficulty finding an arrangement in the summer.

"Luckily, they have each other to kind of keep tabs on one another," says Petersen. "And I only work three minutes from home, which is very nice."

Petersen does pay for childcare for her 4-year-old son. He spends his days at a center that costs $180 a week. It's a strain, she says, while acknowledging the daycare teachers make very little.

Free preschool is gaining ground in some places, but it remains a patchwork across the country. Petersen is looking forward to the fall of 2027, when her son will be old enough to go to kindergarten.

"I find myself wishing away these years — which is awful — because I'm like, it'll be cheaper with him being in school," she says.

Jack, 4, Eden, 11, and Piper, 12, sit with their parents Amber and Neil Petersen. Cliff Jette for NPR

Cliff Jette for NPR

Working from home doesn't end the struggle

Like many parents, Petersen would love more flexibility at work. She wishes she could take part in more activities at school and experience more of her kids' childhood.

"It's kind of disappointing," she says. "You feel like these years are so short."

She does not have the option to work from home. Her law firm doesn't allow it. Roughly three-quarters of parents surveyed by Pew are in the same boat.

But researchers found even those with can work remotely are struggling.

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"Working from home doesn't ease all the challenges of balancing work and family," says Minkin.

The Pew survey found those parents experience the most overlap between their family and work responsibilities. Close to 40% of parents who work from home all or nearly all of the time describe frequently taking care of parenting-related tasks while working, the survey found. About a third of these parents say they frequently deal with work matters while spending time with their children.

Amber Petersen and Piper, 12, play together on a patio. Amber wishes she could spend more time with her children, but the family needs two incomes. Cliff Jette for NPR

Cliff Jette for NPR

On having another child: "There would be no way"

The Pew findings come as President Trump has called for a baby boom. At a women's history month event last year, he joked that he would be known as "the fertilization president."

"We want more babies, to put it very nicely," Trump was later quoted as saying in a White House handout about IVF.

Vice President JD Vance and his wife Usha are expecting their fourth child this summer. Petersen says she and her husband would also love a fourth child.

Second lady Usha Vance and Vice President Vance arrive for a military mothers celebration at the White House on May 6. She is pregnant with their fourth child. Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images

Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images

"But I cannot imagine what that would look like," she says.

On top of balancing work and family, she and her husband are also now buckling under the high price of health insurance, groceries and gas.

"There would be no way," she says.