Steven Gerrard describes the 2005 Champions League final as the best night of his life, but two months later, he considered leaving Liverpool due to mental struggles and criticism from manager Rafael Benitez.
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When Steven Gerrard reflects on the 2005 Champions League final, he calls it the best night of his life., external
But just two months later, he announced he was leaving Liverpool - before dramatically changing his mind overnight.
During a Netflix documentary about the Reds' success in Istanbul, Gerrard acknowledges he was in a "bad place" mentally, with a head like "a box of frogs".
And he says criticism from then manager Rafael Benitez contributed to his potential departure from his boyhood club.
In May 2005, Gerrard captained Liverpool to perhaps the most famous victory in their storied history as they came from 3-0 down at half-time against AC Milan to win on penalties and clinch the club's fifth European Cup.
It was a moment fans hoped would convince Gerrard to commit his future to Liverpool amid interest from Spanish giants Real Madrid and Premier League champions Chelsea, who were managed at the time by Jose Mourinho.
Six weeks later, Gerrard announced he was leaving. Then he wasn't.
"Mourinho was on the phone - the best manager in the world at the time, offering silly contracts, which would naturally turn your head. Chelsea were spending fortunes, he was guaranteed success there," he says.
"I can't park my relationship with Liverpool. When they came, I didn't know which way to go. Mentally, I was in a bad place. My head was like a box of frogs."
Benitez's demeanour didn't help.
"I felt like he didn't rate me, he didn't trust me, he didn't want me," says Gerrard, 45.
"I've always been clear that I want to be a Liverpool player and a Liverpool player only, but with that doubt and with that coldness and being part of a team where you don't believe that you can compete at the top, that's when your head gets turned."
Gerrard's former team-mate Jamie Carragher feels Gerrard "probably needed an arm round his shoulder".
"Rafa Benitez was never going to do that," says the Sky Sports pundit. "He's very unemotional."
Throughout the documentary, former players describe how Benitez's criticism and obsession with granular tactical detail sometimes jarred.
Gerrard, in particular, felt that.
"My game... was about emotion, passion, desire, commitment, for the badge, for the [Liver] bird, for the family," he says. "It was in me and I felt like he wanted to really remodel me.
"Nothing would ever satisfy him."
Benitez, 66, defends his approach.
Steven Gerrard called the 2005 Champions League final the best night of his life.
Gerrard considered leaving Liverpool due to mental struggles and criticism from then manager Rafael Benitez.
Gerrard acknowledged he was in a 'bad place' mentally, describing his head as 'like a box of frogs'.
Liverpool came from 3-0 down at half-time against AC Milan to win on penalties, clinching their fifth European Cup.
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"When I joined Liverpool, there was a culture based on emotion," he says. "Football requires more than that. If you're really emotional, you don't find the way to success."
Time has been a healer - and Gerrard is now able to appreciate the Spaniard's methods.
"I look back at Rafa and think he's the best coach I have worked with," he says.
Image caption,
Michael Owen left Liverpool in August 2004 to join a Real Madrid side full of 'Galacticos' including David Beckham (left) and Ronaldo (right)
A year before the Gerrard transfer saga, the future of another Liverpool youth product had dominated the headlines.
Striker Michael Owen had also come through the academy but - like Gerrard - had become disillusioned with life at Anfield.
Gerard Houllier had been sacked as manager in the summer of 2004 after the Reds finished 30 points behind champions Arsenal.
When Benitez was hired as his replacement, his first task was to convince his two best players to stay.
He flew to Portugal to meet Owen, Gerrard and Carragher, who were with the England squad at the European Championship. What followed was not quite the charm offensive some might have expected.
"He was on me tactically," says Gerrard. "'I don't want this, I don't want that. You can't play in this team unless we trust you.' It was intense. And I was thinking to myself, 'I guarantee you, you'll need me before I need you.'"
Carragher says Benitez told Owen, who in 2001 had won the Ballon d'Or, he needed to learn to "turn on the ball quicker".
"That's absolutely what I was probably the best in the world at, at the time," says Owen, 46. "He certainly didn't go any way to convincing me to stay, put it that way."
But Benitez's impression of that first meeting differs.
"You can see when you talk with someone if he's happy with the conversation," he says. "I think they were quite happy."
As he reflects on Benitez's time in charge, Carragher says the manager's training methods were "a bit weird".
"There's no ball and there'd just be cones all around the pitch," says the former England defender, 48.
"Rafa would say, 'right the ball's at cone A, the ball's at cone D, the ball's at cone F' and then we'd all have to run to where we should be."
Benitez acknowledges he likes to go into detail in his coaching.
"I like to analyse things," he says. "Just one centimetre higher or lower - that is the difference between success sometimes and defeat."
And that attention to detail paid off during the penalty shootout in Istanbul.
Jerzy Dudek says Benitez had kept extensive notes on where Milan's players liked to put their spot-kicks.
"We had a code," says the former Poland goalkeeper. "The goal was divided into six squares. He shared this information: 'Andriy Shevchenko likes one and four.'"
Dudek saved two penalties, including the decisive one from Shevchenko.
Image caption,
Dietmar Hamann's half-time introduction helped turn the game
Part of the folklore around the 2005 Champions League final centres on what happened in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.
The Reds scored three goals in six second-half minutes after Benitez brought on midfielder Dietmar Hamann for defender Steve Finnan.
With that came a switch from four at the back to three, with Hamann and Xabi Alonso as holding midfielders and Gerrard given more freedom to go forward.
Carragher describes the 15 minutes at half-time as "chaotic".
Djimi Traore was initially told he was being substituted before Benitez learned Finnan was injured.
Hamann describes heading for a warm-up while his team-mate went into the showers, then returning to find him back in his full kit.
"I went back to the dressing room and the first person I saw was Djimi," he says.
"I said: 'I'm coming on, who's coming off?' He said: 'I don't know. Got no idea what's going on.'"
Benitez says the final taught him a lesson.
"I started to realise that while it's important to play with your head, you must never forget to play with your heart," he says.